Movie Review – Hot Tub Time Machine

Last night I caught a screening of Hot Tub Time Machine, the forthcoming comedy starring John Cusack and Rob Cordry. I’d seen the trailer a few months ago and thought it looked amusing enough, Cusack’s generally reliable and Cordry’s very funny on Comedy Central’s “The Daily Show”. When someone describes a film to you as Back to The Future meets The Hangover, then it’s got to be worth a viewing.

I was sold on the movie from the title alone. You’ve got to be either insane, or have amazing faith in your film to give it such a blatant and unsubtle name. But in the spirit of Ronseal, it does what it says on the tin: It features a hot tub which is in turn also a time machine. Set the macguffin up early and let things roll.

Adam (John Cusack) and Nick (Craig Robinson) are called to the hospital after one of their old friends, Lou (Rob Cordry), is admitted following a suspected suicide attempt. (He’s drunk, and starts mashing the gas in his car as if it’s a drum pedal, while in his garage and fumes ensue) All three of the guys are a far cry from where they felt they would be at this point in their lives. The big four-oh has come, gone and none of them are happy. Adam has been dumped by a woman so evil, so unutterably terrible, that she even takes his TV when she moves out. Nick is working in a dog grooming parlour, and longs for a day-job that doesn’t involve canine proctology. Lou is a fading party animal; divorced and looking for the next big night out.

At the hospital’s suggestion Adam and Nick take Lou, along with Adam’s nephew Jacob, back to the ski resort they used to visit when they were teenagers for a weekend of beer, babes and (in Lou’s case) barbiturates. Upon arrival though they find that the resort has suffered just as badly, if not worse, than their lives have. Crispin Glover, who you should remember as George McFly from Back to The Future, gets a nice cameo turn as the hotel concierge. After the first night bemoaning their situations, the guys wake up in the eponymous hot tub and head to the slopes.

Jacob starts fading in and out of reality as the moment of his conception seems to become less and less likely. His mother was a young lady of, well, “flexible morals” at this point in the past (I think that’s a polite way of saying she was a bit of a slut, don’t you?) and had never been able to tell him who his father was. Given that the time travellers are: her brother, a large African American and Lou, I don’t think the revelation of his parentage is exactly a massive twist, although exactly how and where is pretty funny.

As the truth of their situation dawns on them, that they’ve come back in time into their younger bodies, the friends decide they can’t change anything and must do everything the way it originally happened in case they change the present. Only one problem; this is the weekend that everything began to fall apart for them and they made the choices that led to their unhappy future. As they friends start trying to relive their past choices, knowing that they’re to blame for their present-day unhappiness, they each decide to make a change.

So not the most surprising of films, few comedies are anyway, but one that delivers some good laughs. A nice balance of gross-out humour and more wryly observed deadpan material (Mostly delivered by Cusack) keeps the film out of Farrelly Brothers territory and much nearer to Kevin Smith’s later films such as Clerks 2.

There’s a pretty cool 80’s throwback cameo that I won’t spoil for you here, but seeing them again is fun and they look like they enjoy the small but important role they get. The soundtrack is also nicely retro, featuring Poison and a host of either mid 80’s rock. No really huge tracks, but they’ve picked songs that are representative of the era. Cusack gives his usual performance of a man seemingly laconic about things but simmering under the surface, about to boil over. He’s a less lethal Martin Blank here. Craig Robinson plays a similar role to the one in Zack & Miri Make a Porno and Rob Cordry channels Will Ferrell’s Frank the Tank, with a slightly darker core.

I think Hot Tub Time Machine is very much this year’s Old School; a fun movie that while not exactly serious, does have a bit of heart to it under the laugh out loud jokes. It’s not going to change your life, but it’s worth your time. A bit daft, a bit silly and a lot of fun. Unless you’re a squirrel.

An Insight Into My All-Time Greats

As some of you may, or may not, know; I’m often a bit of a heretic when it comes to epic comics and graphic novels.

Traditionally there are four or five big ones that get quoted by the mainstream media and comic “experts” of both the down-the-pub and actually-in-the-industry variety. Watchmen, Maus, Killing Joke… They always crop up and everyone nods sagely, agreeing that these mighty tomes exemplify all that is great and good and wonderful about the funnybook industry.

While I fully agree that such opinions are entirely subjective, I find that the books I feel are the best examples of comic books, are sometimes those slightly off the beaten track.

So, in the first of a series of blogs about over-looked and hidden gems, I present DC Elseworlds – The Golden Age… (Currently in print as JSA: The Golden Age)

Written by James Robinson (Before he wrote Starman, the greatest series of all time, no arguments please) and drawn by the massively talented and now rarely seen Paul Smith, this 4 issue mini-series explored what happened to the heroes and heroines of the DC Universe in the aftermath of the Second World War. Many retire, some carry on the fight, some marry, some divorce but through it all, the feeling of where American society was at that time, shines through. While many heroes choose to give up the life behind a mask, a little known hero by the name of Mr America returns from the war and becomes a national hero, having assassinated Hitler. As he gains the government’s trust, he avoids the HUAC hearings that force his contemporaries to walk away into obscurity and starts to build his own team of super-powered heroes.

There are several plot strands that weave through the series, ultimately linking together and revealing quite the conspiracy.

Taking the insignificant sidekick Dan The Dyna-Mite of a the almost equally insignificant hero TNT, Mr America harnesses the new atomic age to remake the young man into Dyna-Man. The new hero, shown on the cover above represents the new future for America; bright, colourful, powered by atomic energy but as with all tales, there’s a price to be paid and a dark heart.

While the second half of the story does delve into some very over the top scenarios, bear in mind that those kinds of tales were de rigueur in the pulp novels and comics of the time.

As the conspiracy gathers pace, lines are drawn and the retired heroes choose sides and a final confrontation looms.

Whilst ostensibly labelled as an Elseworlds (DC’s alternate realities line) there is little to correct in order for this book to fit into their established continuity. In fact, there are a lot of elements in this book that are carried over to Starman and the characters there. He gives the heroes and heroines of the 30’s and 40’s very modern issues and problems, from marriage troubles to exploiting their abilities for personal gain. He also captures the social tone, with it still very much being a world where men were men and women were in second-place. As the series progresses over a period of months/years, things do change, attitudes soften and eyes are opened, not just to the conspiracy but society’s progress.

Paul Smith’s art is perfect for the book too. He captures the sense of hope in the post-war America, but manages to convey the dark underside equally effectively. The colours used pop off the page, with heroes as bright primary coloured beacons of hope and villains and their deeds suitably shady and grimy-looking.

There was originally supposed to be a sequel by the same creative team, called, unsurprisingly, The Silver Age. This however never came to fruition, but I feel Darwyn Cooke’s New Frontier serves as an excellent companion piece.

Go take a read, let me know what you think.

Comic Reviews – 15/4

Apologies in advance for the rather DC-centric feel this week. I didn’t pick up many books and the few that I did bring home were all from DC. I’ll make it up to you with an all-Marvel or all-Image week soon…

The Flash 1

This re-launch of the Flash title, the third such attempt in the last 5 years, has the returning Barry Allen in the driver’s seat. Barry was arguably comicdom’s first saint, having willingly sacrificed his life to save the universe in DC’s 1985 mega-crossover “Crisis on Infinite Earths”. DC have seen fit to resurrect a character who, to me at least, was far more interesting as an icon and legend for others to live up to than as a character in his own right. To me, Barry Allen holds no lure and the DC editorial attitude towards the other characters who populated the Flash universe in the 25 years since Barry’s death is a rather dismissive “Barry is the Flash, if you want to read about the Flash, you’ll be reading Barry Allen”

ANYWAY, my personal annoyance aside, what did I think of the issue? I liked the art from Francis Manapul but it’s quite different to the style he used on Legion of Super-Heroes a year or two back. He’s done the art entirely himself so there’s a very soft, pencilled feel to everything, not a lot of heavy inking. Colouring has always been key to the Flash title and this still needs some work. it’s a little too soft and washed out, almost. Shame as there’s potential for some really great pages from Manapul on this title.

Geoff Johns, DC’s go-to guy for re-launches and sales figures, is hoping he can emulate the critical success his previous Flash work garnered and outstrip it in terms of sales by quite some way. I do get the feeling of “Seen it all before” with the book. Not really due to the plotting itself, more the manner of Barry’s return and the way ahead for him. I suspect this will follow the Green Lantern formula that Johns pulled off so well; main title, supporting book for the 2nd tier characters in the franchise, eventual crossover for the two books as part of a franchise-centric event…

As an introductory issue, this doesn’t work. There’s no re-cap of Barry’s origin or background, no mention of the other speedsters of the DCU and no real explanation of why he does what he does. Assuming your readers are up to speed, pardon the pun, is lazy especially with a first issue. Bad form, DC, Bad form.

Brightest Day 0

Spinning straight out of the recently concluded Blackest Night mini, Brightest Day is a fortnightly book looking at the 12 characters resurrected, seemingly at random, at the end of Blackest Night. While the Un-deadly Dozen don’t interact much with each other, one of the returning heroes, Deadman (Got to think of a new name for him now) finds himself visiting each of the others, observing them in a ghostly form. It’s a nice issue, with Fernando Pasarin’s art being similar enough to Ivan Reis, that it does feel like a continuation of Blackest Night.

The issue is pure set-up, showing us what the returnees are doing, where they are, physically and mentally, and giving us hints of stories to come. Because there’re so many threads in the book, some are more interesting than others. I can’t say I care for Firestorm, Captain Boomerang, Hawk or Aquaman’s stories so far. Wait and see, I guess.

The segment I found the most intriguing was the part with Maxwell Lord, a mind controlling sociopath who wants to save us all from superpowered beings, whether we want him to or not. He tries to use his mental powers on a huge scale, seeking to erase the world’s memories of him and the things he did in the years prior to his death. As Max comes from the hallowed period of justice League history that featured Booster Gold, Blue Beetle, Guy Gardner et al, I’m in this for the long haul.

Booster Gold 31

Dan Jurgens signs off on his most recent turn at steering the adventures of his signature character. Booster Gold is the timecop of the DC Universe. Using his initial demeanour of being a purely financially motivated bozo to his advantage, Booster patrols time and prevents anyone attempting to change the past or even try to create particular futures.

Jurgens came onto the book after a run by Geoff Johns (Yes, him again…) and never really matched the same pace. No slight to Dan, his arcs have been functional, if a little unspectacular. His art is still the same Jurgens style that made him such a hit on Superman back in the 90s, great for splash pages and covers but somehow high velocity motion isn’t communicated as effectively as it could be.

This issue serves as a coda to Jurgens’ run and wraps up most of the loose ends, giving Booster some detente with his sister and reaching an understanding with Rip Hunter, his time travelling boss. These character moments come against the backdrop of Booster stopping a gang of heavily armed robbers and an unexpected casualty of the fight. By the end of the issue, Rip has helped Booster prevent the death, giving the issue a neat “happy” ending of sorts.

One moment that does stand out is a brief mention by Booster of a plot point in the (Bloody fantastic) Formerly Known As The Justice League mini-series. In that series, Booster was married to an older woman called Gladys in order to have a comfortable life, albeit one where he had to wear his costume while performing his duties, as it were. Now, in the context of that series, that moment was funny, a little wrong and what you’d expect from Giffen & DeMatteis. Jurgens carries some pent-up anger at them for the way they handled his creation and that he’s being taken off the current book so they can take over. Booster mentions Gladys and writes it off as a prank he played on Blue Beetle. Really? That’s what you do? belittle another writer’s work by pretending it didn’t happen? For shame…

Secret Six 20

I love this book. Really love it. Gail Simone’s dysfunctional band of anti-heroes have a bit of internal strife as Catman’s infant son is threatened and he goes off the reservation to get him back.

The dialogue in this book and interplay between the members of the Six is the reason why this book is always top of my reading pile. Deadshot and Catman have a great relationship. They act like they don’t care for one another but continue to watch each other’s back and keep them out of trouble. Bane, no longer the ’roid-raging Bat-spine surgeon, has a protective father/daughter relationship with Scandal who can’t believe A) how he talks to her or B) that she lets him get away with it. Ragdoll still manages to get the best lines though. As a surgically tidied-up (I’m being polite…) contortionist with severe deviancy issues, he shouldn’t be funny. He really shouldn’t, but he continues to lighten the mood with inappropriate comments at the worst time. I can relate to that.

As Catman goes on his rescue/revenge mission, Bane insists that the team continue to fulfil their contracts. Scandal, Deadshot and Ragdoll refuse, saying that Catman needs them more than their clients. With the team split in two, Deadshot admits that the reason he wants to help Catman is that while he has done bad things before, Catman has never crossed that last line of deliberately and wilfully killing someone, just to see them suffer. Deadshot wants to save his friend from that.

While the uber-awesome (look her up, she was a supermodel AND draws comics, it’s like Weird Science and someone made the ideal woman!) Nicola Scott was the artist on the book originally, her shoes are being filled by Jim Calafiore at the moment. Catman is starting to look more and more like Josh Holloway, maybe it’s just Calafiore’s art but I swear I can almost hear him saying “son of a bitch…”

Read this book, it’s a guilty pleasure of sorts, seeing as how the “heroes” are all extremely violent people who’ve killed before and probably will again, yet the fact remains that this book has more characterisation, better dialogue and more action than most books currently out there. It’s a mask’n’capes version of Andy Diggle’s excellent The Losers.

How’s Who, or “How I learned to stop missing David Tennant and give the new guy a chance”

Well, we’re now 3 episodes into the new series of Doctor Who. We’ve had a present day episode (ish… more on that later) a far future episode and one set during the Second World War. The first episode appeared to be set on Earth during the present or recent years and featured a lot of seemingly innocuous details that will prove to be relevant later on. The second episode took us into space in the far future where England had escaped Earth’s destruction by way of Sir Terry Pratchett’s Discworld, carried around atop the back of a giant space whale. I love how this is a show where characters have to say lines like “It’s a giant space whale!” with a straight face. This week’s episode was the new Doctor’s first clash with his old nemesis, the Daleks. They had infiltrated the Second World War as automatons for the British Army, but as always, things started to go pear-shaped and the Doctor had to stop them. Again. More set-up during this episode and a very obvious “This isn’t over” ending suggests that the overall arc of the season is pretty tight.

I have to admit, I’m rather impressed. Matt Smith’s appointment as David Tennant’s replacement was not greeted with universal cheers. If anything there was a lot of nay saying and anger from fans that he got the role in the first place. Many felt the rumoured Patterson Joseph (Marquis de Carabas in Neverwhere and Johnson in the ridiculously funny Peep Show) should have snagged the role.

I had doubts as to his suitability, I’m not going to deny that at all, but having now seen him in action, I think he was a good choice and I was wrong. He’s aped Tennant successfully in a number of scenes but still managed to be his own man. Two things need to go: the outfit and the catchphrase. Seriously, he dresses like a maths teacher from the 1940’s, bad form… The “Geronimo!” catchphrase is equally cringe-inducing. Goes to show that if the only real issues I have with him are his sartorial choices and a naff catchphrase, then he must be doing something right.

Now, the new companion, Amy Pond played by Karen Gillan. Yum.

Let me get this straight, new companion is early-20s, long red hair, legs that go for miles, totally unable to wear trousers and the first time we see her, she’s dressed as a policewoman stripper? Hah! Suck it, Rose Tyler! Amy Pond FTW! Is this what is was like for my dad when Leela joined Tom Baker’s 4th Doctor in her skivvies?

There’s something not entirely right about Amy, it’s looking like she’s going to be key to the overall season arc and finale. Mysterious, and identical, cracks are appearing in reality wherever she goes, she has no memory of the Daleks’ various shenanigans in her alleged era of origin and the Doctor can’t work out why. Not yet anyway. Young Miss Gillan HAS signed on for the next season so at least we’re relatively confident that she’ll survive.

Moffat has set his showrunner stall up early and well. He’s given us three distinct settings in three episodes, made the new Doctor every bit as entertaining and unbalanced as his predecessors and started a nice little mystery. Coming up we’ve got the return of the Weeping Angels, the Doctor’s future wife River Song, Cybermen, Silurians, Vampires and doubtless the return of the new Daleks.

On that note, the new Daleks are now colour-coded for your convenience. Honestly it’s like a Power Rangers cruet set… They are larger, meaner looking and altogether more imposing. I have to say the slightly Beyonce/J-Lo rear end is a bit odd, I keep imagining one of them going on X-Factor and barking it’s way through “My Humps”…

Right, must dash, need to compile my feelings on Leterrier’s recent Clash of The Titans remake.

Comic Reviews – 9/4

Quick review round-up of the titles I came home with from the comic store this week. I must admit I did fly in the face of my personal beliefs and pick up a variant cover this week, much as I hate the concept. In my defence, it WAS a Darwyn Cooke cover and I’m a total mark for his work. (Read Parker – The Hunter, it’s excellent) As always; spoilers lie within…

Invincible Returns 1



Robert Kirkman gives us a one-shot that serves as an introduction and a quick synopsis to his much-lauded superhero series. Invincible is very much a personal favourite of mine, almost like a modern day Spider-Man. It started with a familiar premise (Teenager gets powers, also responsibility. Wacky hi-jinks ensue) but rapidly moved into arguably the best pure super-hero book Image publish.

While this is a one-shot, the story is very much in continuity and essentially a recap issue of the regular series, it reads as if it IS the latest issue of the ongoing series. (All be it with more pages, a couple of guest stars and variant covers. Look, see the Darwyn Cooke prettiness. Isn’t it shiny?) Between the discussions of the story so far, Invincible finds time to tussle with super-powered mobsters and a giant dragon. This book’s great. Setting up the current state of the Invinci-verse, showing us the main players and giving us hints of what’s to come in the next year or two, Invincible Returns 1 is a good, very packed, issue.

S.H.I.E.L.D. 1



Well, this is definitely the curio of the week. Coming from rising star Jonathan Hickman, current Fantastic Four and Secret Warriors scribe, this series will supposedly reveal the secret history behind the Marvel Universe’s legendary spy outfit, SHIELD.

While I would expect the first issue of a series to include a fair bit of set-up, I think there’s too much in this. We open with a teenager called Leonid (We’re not told his surname yet) in the 50’s being collected by Agents Stark & Richards (Hmmm, those names sound familiar) and taken to Rome where he is lectured by not-the-Illuminati while they wear buckets on their heads. While Not-The-Illuminati tell him that their organisation has protected earth for thousands of years, we are shown flashbacks of an Egyptian warrior defeating a Brood invasion (Wikipedia if you don’t know who they are, basically Giger’s Alien but more insectoid), a Chinese Emperor facing a Celestial (Female no less, with appropriate lumps and bumps), Leonardo Da Vinci realising there’s something wrong with the sun and only he, his jetpack and his mysterious gold ball (leave it…) can save the world. Oh, and Gallileo points his telescope at Galactus.

Back in the present day of the series (1961) Leonid is approached by his father, the Night Machine, and taken to a locked room in the Not-The-Illuminati’s hidden city. His father seems to be an enemy of the NTI and kills the Swiss Guard-alikes facing off against Agents Stark & Richards while Leonid meets Leonardo Da Vinci.

For a first issue, there’s a LOT to take in and little explanation of what it all means. I get the impression that this series will read much better in one sitting rather than i monthly chunks.

The art is by Dustin Weaver, not someone I’d seen before but I like his style. He successfully marries highly detailed art with a sketchy quality that keeps it looking free-flowing and comfortably loose. A promising start but a little too much too soon.

JSA All Stars 5



Matt Sturges’ JSA Spin-off is heading towards the end of its’ first storyarc. Stargirl has been forced by the villain of the piece, Johnny Sorrow, to destroy her weapons and been transported to the extra-dimensional Subtle Realms. As she tries to find a way home, she meets fellow JSA Member Atom-Smasher with whom she has a mutual attraction. Their journey through the Subtle Realms causes them to admit their feelings to one another. just as they declare their love, a door opens and there is an un-shown shocker in the room before them.

Meanwhile, back on earth (I love how phrases like that seem totally acceptable in comics) the rest of the JSA and Johnny Sorrow’s Injustice Society fight a demon summoned by Johnny when he betrayed his team. The Icicle, 2nd generation supervillain, has some interesting exchanges with the JSA harking back to Geoff John’s work with the character. It’s suggested that he’s not really a villain with a capital V and could some day switch to the side of the angels. Nice subplot to keep simmering away for another day. Someone who looks like Indiana Jone’s magician daughter turns up, doesn’t really explain who she is, or even give her name, and things escalate as the demon gets out of control. Well, more so.

Freddie Williams recently switched from traditional pencil and paper art to working entirely on computer. I think you can tell, as his art is somehow not as crisp as his earlier efforts on Robin. In fact even his work of The Flash was sharper than this. There’s just too much going on in his art now, too many lines and extraneous detail that makes it feel cluttered rather than appropriately detailed. That’s not to say it looks bad, it’s just not as nice as his earlier work (Similar to John Byrne’s early 80’s work for Marvel compared to his stuff these days) although the back-up strip suffers from some very basic art that seems phoned in by Travis Moore.

It’s an adequate issue, but so little happens, I feel this suffers from the ubiquitous “writing for the trade” mentality of insisting all storyarcs last 6 issues for ease of packaging into a trade paperback. The arc could have been kept tighter and two issues shorter.

The Astounding Wolf-Man 22



My second Kirkman book of the week; Astounding Wolf-Man continues towards its’ conclusion at issue 25 and this issue has the same fast-paced feel as the last. Gary Hampton’s hairy alter-ego apprehends one of the recurring criminals from the series, has a moment with Mecha-Maid (although not quite the way the cover suggests) and heads off to do battle with his nemesis, the vampire Zechariah. While he fails to finish off the haemovoracious one, he has bigger things to worry about as an entire brood of werewolves attack him in his home. We’re left with a pretty intense final image suggesting things might still get worse, before they get better, for our hero.

Jason Howard’s art has been consistently good onthe title, his action sequences convey motion well and everyone has a very distinct look and manner. I hoep he’ll continue to get work after this series ends. His style might be deemed a tad too cartoony for DC or Marvel but  I’m sure he’d make a hit of the right book. 3 issues remaining and not everyone’s going to make it out alive…


Turf 1




Jonathan Ross, TV host, award show compere, radio DJ and general bon vivant, has finally channelled his love of comics into his own title. Generally, celebrity comics have the stink of desperation from the publisher and misplaced confidence that talent in one medium lends itself to another. Gerard Way’s Umbrella Academy series from Dark Horse was a notable exception to this rule.

So; is Turf, Wossy’s first foray into the genre, accompanied by Tommy Lee Edwards on art chores,  another Umbrella Academy or a Tyrese Gibson Mayhem?

Oh, where to begin… Firstly, Tommy Lee Edwards, you should know better. You’re a great artist, why are you working on a book where the vampires speech is spelt with V instead of W and double S to emphasise their vampiric, eastern-European accents? Oh yes and the text is in a different clipped font too, just in case you didn’t realise they speak all funny.

Prohibtion era New York and the vampires have moved in on the tradtional gangsters’ turf. [sarcasm] Wow, vampires, what a great idea, that’s a theme that’s not played out and outstayed its’ welcome. [/sarcasm] An alien crash lands too, but by the time we meet him for the first time, I was wondering if I had a misprinted page in the middle of my book.

There’s nothing here you haven’t seen before and nothing really to recommend it beyond the art. The dialogue reads stilted, clichéd and forced. I know it’s his first attempt and I should be more generous but I just didn’t enjoy the issue. if it’d come from any other writer and had a less capable artist on it, this book would disappear.

I think a book inspired by his wife, Kick-Ass script writer Jane Goldman, called Pneumatica would be a far easier sell, maybe with Adam Hughes or Frank Cho drawing it?…

Repo Men – I want to repossess my lost evening, dammit

Earlier this week I caught a preview screening of Jude Law’s latest film, the sci-fi thriller Repo-Men. Before anyone gets excited, this is NOT anything to do with Alex Cox’ cult classic “Repo Man”. More’s the pity…

Jude Law plays Remy, a character so staggeringly bland that I couldn’t remember his name at any point in the film. It’s not a good sign is it? Remy is a Repo Man for The Union, a large corporation dealing in artificial organs and bodyparts at extortionate APR. When patients default on their repayments, a Repo Man is sent to reclaim the items.

Herein lies the first of many problems with the film. These repo men can apparently LEGALLY tazer you, cut you open, rip out whatever they’ve come for, and leave you lying there bleeding out in shock and probably dying due to lack of a heart/lung/liver etc.

Remy works with Jake, an old school friend who also served in the army with him. Much time is spent on building their brotherly friendship and how they’d do anything for each other. Jake is worried that Remy’s wife is convincing him to quit, thereby breaking up their long-standing partnership. When doing a seemingly routine heart reclaim, Remy is involved in an accident with a defib unit and knocked out. Coming to in hospital, he finds he now requires an artificial heart. Sadly The Union don’t do employee discounts and Remy soon finds his debt spiralling out of control as he develops a conscience regarding the job and can’t earn enough commission to maintain his pay packet. His wife kicks him out in disgust at his job and he moves in with Jake. He receives final demand notices from the Union and discusses it with Jake who suggests they go on a trawl through a ghetto, looking for more overdue organ recipients. Remy tries, and fails, to repo a liver and realises he can no longer take part in corporate-sanctioned murder.

Choosing to go on the run and escape his imminent demise; Logan, sorry REMY, enters into society’s underbelly of lost and disenfranchised. He saves a drug user, Beth, he recognises from a club earlier in the film (for some reason, I wasn’t quite clear on why, maybe she was supposed to represent his redemption) and together they decide to find a way to clear their accounts with the Union. Apparently in this dystopian future no-one’s heard off offsite back-ups and all the Union’s records are stored on one computer in their head office. Yes, I know I work in IT and know about things like off-site back-ups but even the most technophobic luddites have a vague knowledge about the concept of back-ups these days! See if you can guess which Repo Man gets sent to reclaim Remy’s heart. Go on, guess.

Directed by Miguel Sapochnik, a relatively unknown director who has previously worked on storyboards for “Trainspotting” and “A Life Less Ordinary” this doesn’t bode well for any future projects he helms. Sadly, he appears to have learnt little from working with Danny Boyle and crafted a ludicrous, tonally yo-yo-ing mess, from which I felt there was no escape. Maybe this was deliberately post-modern and I was supposed to feel as trapped by the film as Jude Law’s character is by the system he previously worked in. Maybe it was just plain bad.

Ok, so where to begin? Well the premise is a little off, given the fact that these Repo Men are killers, once you look at it clearly, they are killing people and getting away with it. No explanation, that’s just the way it is. Never quite finding its’ mood, “Repo Men” swings between black comedy and dystopian sci-fi, but veers so wildly, that the two tones feel incongruous together. One or other needed to be toned down so the mood didn’t swing so extremely.

Then there’s the setting: The city is seemingly stolen wholesale from “Blade Runner” (Ridley’s going to be on the phone about this...) but the suburb Remy lives in appears to be Wisteria Lane. Somehow there is also a slum area that looks like a northern England sink estate. This area is known to the Union and their agents, yet is full to overflowing with debtors. One afternoon with some canisters of knock-out gas and a scalpel and it’s problem solved, surely?

The final big fight sequence is lifted almost wholesale from “Oldboy” (Park Chan-Wook’s on call-waiting while Ridley Scott’s on the other line...) and when Remy picks up a hammer, he all but winks to say “No, it’s not a rip-off, look: Hammer! It’s an homage now...”

There is a swerve towards the end of the film, but if you’ve paid any attention, you’ll have clocked it in advance. This is not a subtle film.

Jude Law simply can’t carry a film as a lead actor. He was surprisingly good in Guy Ritchie’s “Sherlock Holmes” as Dr Watson and in “The Talented Mr Ripley” but reliable supporting role seems to be the zenith of his ability. The opening voiceover where he describes the theory of Schrodinger’s Cat is supposed to reflect the dilemma of the film I think, but comes across as just plain daft.

Liev Schreiber and Forest Whittaker are good actors, they should know better than to be in something this poorly conceived. Admittedly Liev is the only one of the two who performs adequately, Forest seems like he’s not taking it seriously and phoning in his performance. Liev’s corporate asshole character schmoozes his way through every scene, showing the clients an acceptable empathetic face, while simultaneously telling his guys to get out there and reclaim some organs to meet quota.

The soundtrack is painfully out of place and jarringly so. At the film’s climax (appropriate term given the style of the scene) Remy and Beth try and scan all of their upgrades back into the Union system so it thinks they have been reclaimed and returned. Cue slow strip, arching backs, gasps and the kind of music you’d expect to hear on Channel 5 after midnight. Enjoy the moment where she deep throats the scanner so he can get the barcode on her artificial voicebox. Yes, it really is THAT unsubtle.

The dialogue is the finest roquefort compounded by a large helping of acting jambon. The movie is a Croque Monsieur of wasted opportunity. A nice concept flawed by poor direction and an schizophrenic tone.

Three Day Weekends Are Awesome (And so are these…)

Happy Easter all, as today is Good Friday, and long weekends are, as stated above, awesome; I thought I’d give you a quick series of links to things that are also awesome IMO

1) Probot – Shake Your Blood

What’s that you say? Dave Grohl, the talented non-dead one out of Nirvana , later the Foo Fighters, did a metal album? The lead single of which was a team-up with Lemmy from Motorhead and the video featured a ton of altgirl models? Well that can only be a good thing…

2) Academy Award Winning Movie

Trailer poking fun at how damn formulaic Hollywood movies are. “Catchphrase!”

3) The Muppets – Ode to Joy

It’s the Muppets, if you can’t laugh at this, you might well be dead. Check before the smell starts disturbing those around you.

4) Johnny Cash – Hurt

Johnny Cash delivers one of his final releases before his death and makes arguably the greatest cover version of all time. I’m a big believer that cover versions should improve on the original or bring something new to the song. This does both, making Trent Reznor’s dark tale of self-pity into something stirring and emotional on a level beyond most musicians’ greatest dreams. This sends shivers up my spine EVERY TIME i hear it.

5) Nine inch Nails – Closer Vs The unspoken love between Kirk & Spock

Staying on a NIN vibe; NIN’s signature song, with a new video cut together showcasing the sexual tension between Kirk and Spock. What? You don’t see it? Come on! It’s right there!

6) William Shatner – Common People

The Shat covers Pulp’s classic. Just wait for the choir to kick in. Epic!

7) Batman & Superman throwing insults at one another

Remember The 40 Year Old Virgin? Yeah, I know that guy, i know a whole bunch of those guys… Anyway, the film? The scene with Paul Rudd & Seth Rogen (Pre-fame) playing x-box and acting like fratboys calling each other gay? Totally improved supposedly. Here’s the same exchange dubbed over Batman & Superman.

That’s all from me for now, enjoy your religiously relevant chocolate eggs with matching branded mugs.